I wouldn’t say my mother in law is ugly , but every time she puts on lipstick it tries to crawl back in the tube.
What do you do if your mother in law is moaning in pain and rolling on the floor?
Shoot her again.
How do you stop your MIL from drowning?
Take your foot off her head.
What’s the difference between a catfish and a MIL?
One’s a ■■■■ sucking bottom dweller, and the other one is a fish!
Why do they bury mothers-in-law 18 feet down, when everyone else is buried 6 feet down?
Because, deep down, they really are very nice people.
What’s the difference between a dead mother-in-law lying in the middle of the road, and a dead snake lying in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the snake!
My MIL asked, “If you don’t like me, why do you take me on holidays with you?” I told her, “So I don’t have to kiss you good-bye.”
Unsolved Mysteries - Missing MILs: MILs are disappearing all over the city. Does it surprise you that no one is looking for them?
My mother-in- law is so cross-eyed, that when she cries the tears roll down her back!
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “mother-in-law” you get the words “woman ■■■■■■”
The difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are Wanted!!
the definition of mixed emotions - seeing your mother-in-law drive over the cliff in your new car.
Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?
-Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
My mil fell into an 8 ft hole and broke her neck, two men ran over and asked if I needed help,I said yes, grab a shovel quick!!
My mil fell into a 6ft hole and couldn’t move , as the officer arrived he noticed me smiling and asked, how can you smile at a time like this? I said, because, I don’t have to dig it, just fill it in!
A giant python swallowed my mother in law, when I asked how things were, the vet said, if we can get her out, the snake will be fine!
My father in law was driving down the road and got stopped by a police officer, the officer said, sir! do you know your wife fell out of the car 5 miles down the road? Thank God! he replied, I thought I was going deaf!
My wife said, quick! I think my mom is dead! check to see if she’s breathing! Why? I asked, she never took a breath before!
When my mother in law walks past a flock of birds, they peck their own eyes out!
My mother in law went to a bull fight, we pulled 20 spears from her.
My mother in law went to a bull fight, she won.
What’s the difference between my mother in law and a whale? Whales come up for air.