Monkey Business
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a C monkey please.” The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed to the customer, saying, “That’ll be $5,000.”
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred pounds! Why did it cost so much? "The shopkeeper answered, “Ah,that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. “Hey, that one’s even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?”
“Oh, that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag read $50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the
others put together! What on earth does it do?”
The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do anything, but it says it’s a project manager”.
Requirements For The Perfect Women ( Redneck Humor)
Must be single or husband not living in same household and have very good paying job.
Must be able to cook other than in the microwave oven.
Must not require intercourse more than once a year because it would interrupt her other activities listed here on this page.
4.Must not be a problem for me to have at least two other girls friends and she must be able to get along with both of them.
Must have lazy boy in den centered in front of 74” flat screen TV.
Must own house or double wide trailer with very large yard with no more than two junk cars and three junk appliances in yard.
Must own riding lawn mower and be able to ride it to keep yard cut and also use weed eater.
Must own pickup truck preferably a four door Ford 4X4 with aluminum tool box.
Must have credit card for gas to keep truck running.
Must own farm tractor and be able to plow and plant a garden and food plots for deer season.
Must own boat and trailer and plenty of fishing tackle and be able to clean fish.
Must own hunting dogs, guns, and have land leased to hunt on and be able to skin, process and cook deer, wild boar, rabbits, squirrels, dove, quail, and other known critters.
If you see or know anyone who meets these requirements please have them call Apache at BR-549 for an interview. (Please NO Collect Calls)
"The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’'t want to try these techniques at home.”.
“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience…
“I watched my wife’'s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained.
“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘‘Hon, why don’‘t you try carrying several things at once?’’”.
“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked…
“Actually, yes,” replied the expert."It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked her, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men?
Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous…or what?“
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the female factory manager replied.
“It is because our employees are use to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
Hope everyone enjoys the Jokes, etc that I’ve posted here on Forums at Comodo.
With all due respect for Melih, the moderators, and the other fine personnel at Comodo this is my last post on this forum.
Since the release of CIS v4 I have been very unhappy with the results of this product and have decided to go with another vendors product and don’t feel that I should keep using this forum.
It breaks my heart to report this, but my ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time we divorced, 2 years ago, and she got her license recently final after hundreds of hours of classroom and cockpit tuition anyway …
Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing because of bad weather.
Thank God our kids were with me for this weekend. The FAA issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating)conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.
The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel onboard. No one on the ground was injured.
The photograph below was taken at the scene and shows the extent of damage to her aircraft below