so funny. :-TU
bookmarked ;D
this is so funny :
Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed “MOMMY!” and hugged her. She looked at her and said “I’m not your mommy.” My daughters reply: “I know. But you’re better than mommy”
LOL 
Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me.
Nice! ;D
here’s another one:
Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgewise for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn’t listen no matter how many times I told them “It was out of 50”. It actually was
pwned ;D
Ganda, why are you using the same smiley as my post?
…whatever your scary head might think…
Please don’t!
ow it’s just coincidence.but thx for sharing your thought 88) ;D
LOL
ow man! it’s just hillarious
Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn’t like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard.
edit: another one
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said “Your eyes are two different colors right now. One’s blue, one’s green…” I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "…ya know, like a dog
Today, I saw the blueprints for my family’s new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom’s walk-in closet.
bump ;D
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we’re watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to ■■■■■ your brains out, whatever that means"
Today I met my girlfriend’s very religious parents for the first time for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, “But she doesn’t have any scars down there”. Long awkward silence
hillarious!
ow man! other’s misery is one man’s pleasure
another one
Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend’s text, I accidentally clicked on this guy’s name instead, who I’ve never met. He just told me about his grandma’s funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, “Haha wow you ■■■■, I’m sure you were aroused.”
Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn’t find my phone so I asked my friend’s girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ■■■ FACE #3
Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I “confronted” him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, ■■■■, I’m sorry. It meant nothing.
;D
I love this website! ;D
Yeah~~~~
Today, my fiance’s parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. I’m a vegetarian. They had names. FML
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, “wow, last night was crazy, I don’t even remember doing that!”. Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, “You didn’t”. FML
Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML
I don’t feel so bad now.!
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Lmao
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
I work at a Ryman store where i do a lot of laminating for customers, this made me laugh the most.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
nice
;D
Today, walking from class to my apartment, I was mugged and had my wallet, phone, and backpack taken from me. As I handed my stuff over I angrily muttered “you’re taking everything from but my shoes”, under my breath. The asshole heard me, looked down, and demanded my sneakers
Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, “I really like your eyes. They’re pretty.” He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout
pwnd ;D
Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer
i couldn’t stop reading this site.on page 49 right now ;D
bump ;D
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying “Can I get you anything to drink?” and “Can I start you off with something?” My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?
Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother’s vase. I said, “Accidents happen.” She replied, "Yeah, like your birth
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say “La pena de muerte”, which means “The death penalty”. I said, “La pene de muerte”. Turns out that means, "The ■■■■■ of death
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends’ houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you’re fat and mom left you for a reason.
for today ;D
Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said “Don’t go here, the weeds too expensive.” and walked away. Thinking he’s coming back to say he’s joking, he instead say “i’m just kidding its really cheap” and walked away. I may or may not still have a job
no one reading this but me? >:(
Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we’re going to need 1 more person
I am! Sorry about not posting, I forgot about this thread lol
Today, I was driving and I saw was a dog running onto the road, I slammed on the brakes to a completely stop. Multiple cars crashed into the back of my car. It turns out it wasn’t a dog, it was just newspaper blown by the wind