The LOL topic

[Guest]

[Matty_R]

 
 
Good Comeback Line

This was recently in the Seattle Paper . . . The
Title of the article was "Best Come Back Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor, 59+
Year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m.
On Friday night.
On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was
Charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public
Indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a
Pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking
Session when he decided to stop, "You know how a
Pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no
One around for miles or at least I thought there
Wasn't anyone around" he stated in a telephone
Interview.

Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the
Side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt
Was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it,
And proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' "Guess
I was really into it, you know?" he commented with
Evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed to
Notice an approaching police car and was unaware of
His audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached
Him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,"
Said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor and
he's just banging away at this pumpkin." Officer
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she
Approached Aylor.

"I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that
You're having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was
There, and then he looked me straight in the face
And said.....

"A pumpkin? . . . Sh*t . . . Is it midnight already?"
 

[ganda]

Vampire competition

Vampire#1       : see that village over there?
other vampires  : uh huh...so?
Vampire#1       : i'll wipe out the entire village in 10minutes........

......after 10 minutes
Vampire#1       :(with blood all over his face & body), they're all dead!
other vampires  :

Vampire#2       : see that village over there?
other vampires  : yeah...
Vampire#2      : i'll finish them off in 5 minutes

.....after 5 minutes
Vampire#2       : (with blood all over his face & body), mission complete!
other vampires  : 

...............
Vampire#3      : watch your clock! i'll beat you all & get back in no time!

...................2 minutes later, vampire#3 comes back
other vampires  : 
Vampire#3       :(with LOTS of blood all over his face & body) see that tree over there?
other vampires  : yeah, uh huh.what about it?
Vampire#3       : dang! i didn't see it!

[ganda]

what do kids say...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if
you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10 (true sports fan)

( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) Twenty-three i s the best age because you know the person
FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

( 1 ) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

( 1 ) Both don't want any more kids.

-- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10



WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

( 1 ) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
columns.
-- Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

( 1 ) When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8



IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?


(1 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8


And the #1 Favorite is.....

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10 (future diplomat)

[Soy Joy]

...a bit busy...
But I'm gonna spoil everyone's day (Ganda especially) with the folowing post...

~ Ganda: Explained ~
--------------------------------------------

*. Ganda in Indonesia, means: Double!
*. Shin refers to: True (...like in "True Form")

So, Shin-Ganda would literally means something like: Truly Double!!


...I hope that'll explain, Ganda's truly nature...

[ganda]

hey buddy  where've you been?

...a bit busy...
But I'm gonna spoil everyone's day (Ganda especially) with the folowing post...

~ Ganda: Explained ~
--------------------------------------------

*. Ganda in Indonesia, means: Double!
*. Shin refers to: True (...like in "True Form")

So, Shin-Ganda would literally means something like: Truly Double!!


...I hope that'll explain, Ganda's truly nature...

that would be on chapter 3 of my biography 

[Soyabeaner]

I thought he was tripled

[Soy Joy]

I thought he was tripled

Wrong!
Since He's true identity is "Double Double", that would make him: Quad Core!!

Anyway, here's a little something from a Japanese Show: Don't Laugh!
A comedy competition show; where laughing will result in severe punishment!

[Soy Joy]

And this is how the .net generation, planned their marriage...

[Comofo]

A man is waiting for the results of his medical tests when his doctor walks in...


Doctor: "I'm afraid I have terrible news, sir - you're very, very sick. It's no disease we've ever seen before, there is no cure and you're going to die"


Man: "Oh my god, that's horrible! How long do I have to live?"


Doctor: "Ten"


Man: "'Ten?' Ten what? Years? Months? Weeks?"



Doctor: "Nine..."

[Comofo]

Old lady goes to see the doctor.

Lady: “Doc, I have a strange problem; I have very bad gas but when it comes out it never makes any noise and it never smells.”

Doctor: “Take these pills for two weeks then come see me again.”


Two weeks later she returns…


Lady: “Doctor! I don’t know what was in those pills you gave me – my gas is still silent but now the smell is
absolutely horrible!”


Doctor: “Good. Now that we’ve cleared your sinuses we’re going to work on your hearing.”

[Soy Joy]

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

- From here

[Soy Joy]

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

"OK", I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked...

[Ragwing]

The world's strangest laws

[Matty_R]

Rich man and a poor man discussing what there going to get there wives for there birthday.

Rich man says i`m going to get her a BMW and a diamond ring,then if she doesn`t like the ring she can take it back in the BMW and she`ll still be happy.

Poor man says i`m going to get my wife some slippers and a dildo,then if she doesn`t like the slippers she can go F#CK herself.

[ganda]

Rich man and a poor man discussing what there going to get there wives for there birthday.

Rich man says i`m going to get her a BMW and a diamond ring,then if she doesn`t like the ring she can take it back in the BMW and she`ll still be happy.

Poor man says i`m going to get my wife some slippers and a dildo,then if she doesn`t like the slippers she can go F#CK herself.

[Tags:]