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Author Topic: The LOL topic  (Read 67683 times)
gandazilla
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« Reply #210 on: March 09, 2008, 11:59:07 PM »

types of woman  Laugh

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right,
but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes,
installs herself and uses all your resources.

If you try to uninstall her you will loose something if you don't try to
uninstall her you will be rendered useless...
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WaterWall
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« Reply #211 on: March 10, 2008, 01:23:18 AM »

 Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

Superb Ganda ! Very good. I hope Comodo will stop Virus-Womens  Laugh  (S)  (M)
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« Reply #212 on: March 10, 2008, 10:16:40 AM »

I wonder if Comodo will include anti-wife in the next release of CFP 3 Cheesy
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WaterWall
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« Reply #213 on: March 10, 2008, 10:24:13 AM »

They should consider it as a top priority. Eh Mr. Melih ? Right ?  Grin
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gandazilla
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« Reply #214 on: March 16, 2008, 07:43:22 AM »

The 10 Weirdest Things Ever Sold On eBay
by Rob Lee

Perhaps you've heard stories of people auctioning off strange items on eBay, like the homely kid who put his virginity up for bid or the bald guys who offer their own heads as advertising space. But those are nothing compared to some of the items that have made their way onto eBay's digital auction block.

Here are ten of the weirdest things ever to appear on eBay. To qualify for this list, the item or items must have received at least one bid, proving the point that no matter what you have to sell, somewhere there is a buyer for it.

10. Item #191367029: The Internet

If people can sell plots of land on the moon, then why can't someone sell the Internet? Someone did just that, for the bargain asking price of $1 million. Of course, it was all just a gag and it's unlikely that this Pay Pal transaction ever went through. But still, it would have been the deal of the century-the buyer was even throwing in free Internet access.

9. Item #277481422: UFO Detector

A prototype manufactured by a Brazilian company, this modified magnetometer is supposed to pick up UFO activity and was proven to work when red and orange balls of light appeared in the skies over Sao Paulo. Unfortunately, it wasn't 100% guaranteed due to the fact that "the propulsion systems of UFOs are not the same." Why would the seller want to part with such a unique item? It's okay-he had two. Final sale price: $135.03.

8. Item #248619068: The Meaning of Life

Someone finally figured it out, and they put it up for sale on eBay. Even with eight bids this incredible find didn't fetch much, but it was probably the best $3.26 the winning bidder ever spent.

7. Item #1178647016: Russian Test Space Shuttle

This one-of-a-kind item was once offered by a Russian company for $2 million, but was posted on eBay for "a fraction of that." It's not known how much they wanted for the scaled-down Bor-5 VKK spacecraft, because the reserve price was never reached. Bidding topped out at $25,200, but perhaps it was the $5,000 shipping price that scared off potential buyers.

6. Item #2961640885: Vampire Killing Kit

The stylish vampire hunter would love this late 1800s European "vampire killing kit," which included a crossbow with four silver-tipped arrows, an ebony wood stake, a large bottle of holy water and various surgical instruments, among other things. A solid mahogany wood box kept the items secure until they would be needed. Final bid: $4,550.

5. Item #289158639: Real Shrunken Head

Straight from the Jivaro Indian tribe in the jungles of Ecuador to the world's largest electronic marketplace, a total of 26 shrunken heads were put up for sale. Only 7 people bid on them, with the top bidder paying just under $25. It is assumed that he or she got first choice of the heads, which ranged in color from dark brown to gray.

4. Item #2931457201: Ghost In a Jar

As the story goes, the seller of this item found a rotted wooden box while metal detecting. Inside were two glass jars and a journal. One of the jars was accidentally dropped, causing a black mist of some sort to be released. The other jar and the journal were taken home, and the seller proceeded to be haunted by something he could only describe as "The Black Thing."

Wishing to pass the jar (and the ghost) on to someone else, he put the still unopened jar on eBay, insisting that only serious bidders would be considered. People must have loved the story, because there were well over 60 bids placed.

Unfortunately, not all of them were serious, because the selling price topped $90 million. No word as to who finally wound up with the jar, or if they too had supernatural visitors. Since this auction, there have been many, many more "ghost in a jar" items posted on eBay.

3. Item #150118191: USAF Hughes AIM-4D Falcon Missile

Yes, a real missile was auctioned off; fortunately, it was disarmed prior to the sale. The bidding reached $3,950, but the reserve price was never met.

2. Item #127658711: Serial Killer's Fingernails

In 1979, Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris cruised southern California on a killing spree that resulted in at least five victims. And now, the fingernails of Roy Norris have been sold on eBay for only $9.99.

Taped to the back of a Christmas card, they were accompanied by a penned note from Norris himself, signed and topped off with the serial killer's black thumbprint.

1. Item number not known: "Stricken Life" Painting

A rather macabre-looking self-portrait of a man known only as "Harold," this painting is believed to be haunted. The artist was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in early 2001. Knowing that he could no longer care for his Multiple Sclerosis-stricken wife, he put a double-barrel shotgun against her head while she was sleeping and squeezed the trigger.

He then went into the den and put the shotgun in his own mouth. The house where the murder-suicide took place was eventually sold, and the new owners found the painting. Strange things started happening, such as the family dog sitting in front of the painting and howling, so Harold had to go -- on eBay, of course.

source :...err, i stole it.. Tongue

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Ragwing
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« Reply #215 on: March 16, 2008, 01:56:06 PM »

Well, we have an online auction site in Sweden, called Blocket, and here's some stupid things that people have sold there:
Pine needle
Windows Vista Vinyl Edition
Bikini
2 year old cheese


They're a lot more funny if you understand Swedish Grin
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gandazilla
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« Reply #216 on: March 16, 2008, 11:05:53 PM »

is that really cheese Huh
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« Reply #217 on: March 16, 2008, 11:10:24 PM »

Do you dare kiss him after knowing that Huh
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Do u know how I sleep? With 1 eye open. I have 9 kids. U know what they say? "Papa if u don't have candy we are going to kill u in your sleep!" When I finally get to sleep & they find the candy do u think they thank me? No. They say "Papa u stupid. Papa u ugly. Papa u look like a pornstar from 1977"
gandazilla
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« Reply #218 on: March 16, 2008, 11:43:23 PM »

Do you dare kiss him after knowing that Huh
Grin *no comment* ( Bounce mod fight! )
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gandazilla
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« Reply #219 on: March 18, 2008, 11:01:17 PM »

Fun Things to Do at a Drive-Thru   
1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.

3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes,
   roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.

4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.

6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.

7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.

8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.

10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee
     said, "May I take your order?"

12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"

13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.

15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a
     scene.
   
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.

19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.

20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
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gandazilla
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« Reply #220 on: March 18, 2008, 11:10:55 PM »

Q: "why do you quit your last job?"

A: "my boss accused me stealing company's money"

Q: "why didn't you ask him if he can prove it?"

A:"i did, and he can"

 
« Last Edit: March 18, 2008, 11:16:47 PM by shin-ganda » Logged
gandazilla
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« Reply #221 on: March 18, 2008, 11:13:08 PM »

The Most Gruesome Death   

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.

The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''

The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''

It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''
   
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gandazilla
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« Reply #222 on: March 18, 2008, 11:20:54 PM »

Punishment in Heaven   

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.

''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
   
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gandazilla
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« Reply #223 on: March 18, 2008, 11:24:50 PM »

Prisoner of War    

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."'

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
   
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gandazilla
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« Reply #224 on: March 22, 2008, 08:23:21 AM »

Redneck University

A professor at Arkansas University was giving a lecture of the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.

Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shoot! From way back thar I thought you said "Goats".


Great Weekend


An older, white haired man walked into a jewellry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000"

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon,"

Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"
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