Relax your mind with some jokes. - Relaxation is More Essential for Sound Mind -
Here's few of the jokes I enjoyed
A Professor at one of the Premier University was explaining marketing concepts to the Students: 1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich.
"Marry me!" - That's
Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich.
"Marry him." -
That's Advertising"
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich.
"Marry me -
That's Telemarketing"
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you
"Marry Me?" -
That's Public Relations"
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich!
"Can you marry ! me?" -
That's Brand Recognition"
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. -
"
That's Customer Feedback"
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. -
"
That's demand and supply gap"
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him -
"
That's competition eating into your market share"
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. -
"
That's restriction for entering new markets"
___________________________
A lesson by lecuturer to "
Be Observant".
A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
_______________________
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee..... On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No" replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!" The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT?" "No!" replied the Managing Director angrily. "Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
_______________
Mr. Bean's Jokes !!!WHILE HAVING A BRAIN CHECK UPDoctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumour.
Mr. Bean : Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean : Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean : Because that proves that I have a brain!
___________________
MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOLTeacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean : 9
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure,the answer is 6!!
___________________
WHILE IN A DRUG STOREMr. Bean : I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean : Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
________________
QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINEFriend : What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean : I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean : Four asterisks!
____________________
PUZZLEFriend : How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean : 16.
Friend : Why?
Mr. Bean : Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.
_________________________
CHATTING WITH HIS FRIENDFriend : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean : What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend : What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean : Head Cleaner.
_______________________
SHARING SYMPATHYMr. Bean : (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend : Condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes Mr. Bean cries even louder).
Friend : What now?
Mr. Bean : My sister just called, her mom died too!
_________________
MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETINGColleague : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. Because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean : That's alright, me too... I got stuck on the escalator for 3hrs.
____________________
SPELLING LESSONMr. Bean's Son : Dad, what is the spelling of successful... .is it one "c" or two "c"?
Mr. Bean : Make it three "c" to be sure
____________
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Candidate : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Candidate : (smiling)
PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
_______________________________
A Student for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
____________________
2 person looking at Egyptian mummy.
Person 1 : Look so many bandages, its a massive lorry accident case.
Person 2 : Ah!, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
____________
Scientist is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "Walk", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "walk" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "walk...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
_______________
2 persons are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO
_______________
Panic Man at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Panic says - "Tom Peters Married"
______________
Prince Charles & an Minister were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Minister thinks "how poetic"
Minister says, "pass the custard you bastard".
Author